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Look up March 1, 2006

Posted by dr. gonzo in Crime.
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This all really happened, except for the bit from American Gods.

——-

Sometimes you just gotta be slick.

A man walks into the gas station, he doesn’t have any purchases but he approaches the register anyway.

He needs change and he asks the attendant politely, if he could exchange a $50 dollar bill for a couple twenties and a ten. It’s an off-ramp gas station, a big truck stop, the attendant obliges, why not help him out, he thinks.

He opens the drawer and takes the fresh fifty from the man on the other side of the counter. He carefully counts out two twenties and a ten dollar bill and hands them to the traveler. Five seconds haven’t passed before the man looks at the attendant and proclaims “I gave you a fifty, there’s only thirty bucks here.”

Confident he gave the man the correct amount of change the attendant looks the man in the eye and says, “I know what you’re up to.”

The man quickly turns and exits the gas station post haste to continue down the interstate.

——-

It was the middle of the night on Halloween and snowflakes the size of his hand fell from the black oblivion overhead.

——-

A haggard looking man sits at a table in a decent restaurant. He has ordered plenty of food and clearly, will have a large bill to pay. Getting up to leave the man reaches for his wallet and discovers, much to his chagrin, that he left his credit card at home.

Confounded, he approaches the bartender to confess his embarassing situation. He looks at the bartender. “I can go home and get my card but am afraid all I have for collateral is this old violin,” he says and swings a beaten old violin case onto the bar. It’s nearly closing time and the night is wearing thin on the bartender but the man owes more than fifty dollars, he hears him out.

“This violin is my livelihood, while not worth much, it is the only way I have to earn a living, so you know I will return.” Satisfied the bartender agrees and keeps the violin. The man leaves to retrieve his credit card.

The barkeep continues with his closing duties when another man, who is well-dressed, approaches the bar.

He tells the bartender that he couldn’t help but overhear the conversation between him and the hapless man who forgot his credit card and that he is an antique musical instruments dealer and could he please inspect the violin.

With no reason to doubt the man’s sincerity he produces the violin for him to inspect. The man opens the case and looks at the violin closely. He takes it out.

“Mmmhmm,” he proclaims. “Just as I thought.”

Curious the bartender queries.

“Well this violin is rare indeed, it is worth upwards of $50,000,” the barkeep can’t believe his ears. The antique musical instrument dealer produces a business card and gives it to the bartender asking him could he please give it to the man when he returns as he would be interested in purchasing the instrument. The dealer leaves and the bartender returns, once again, to his closing duties.

After a little while the man who had forgotten his credit card returns, card in tow, to pay off his debt and retrieve his violin.

The barkeep produces the violin again but seems distracted. He looks at the man.

“What would you say if I offered you $500 for this violin?” The bartender asks the man.

“Well I couldn’t sell my violin, its my livelihood, as I told you.”

The bartender knows the violin is worth alot, he has access to the night’s deposits. “How about $1,500? He asks.

“Son, I am sorry I cannot sell it.”

Frustrated the bartender finally goes all out. “I will give you $5,000 for that violin.” He tells the man. He agrees and sells the bartender the violin for $5,000.

He leaves with $5,000, gets in his car and goes back to his apartment where the “antique musical instrument dealer” waits to split up the haul.

Retold from Neil Gaiman’s American Gods.

——-

Pay attention.

A woman sits on a bench in a park in London. She has just finished working and is relaxing before she has to catch the train home.

A man she doesn’t know approaches her with a brown paper sack in hand.

It’s a brand new digital camera he tells her and he will sell it to her for 150 pounds. He assures her it’s top of the line, 7 megapixels. She can’t resist, the price is too low, she produces the money and he hands her the bag. He leaves quickly, before she can inspect the contents. When she does she finds a sack of concrete rocks.

——-

You can’t have something for nothing.

A guy sends away for a bead kit, to make jewelry. The company promises, for a low, one time fee of $180.00 to provide the client with all the items necessary to make bead jewelry, including beads and patterns. The company then promises to buy back for resale any of the jewelry the client makes that meets their specifications.

Unfortunately for this guy, none of the jewelry that anyone makes meets their specifications. Their offices are raided by the FBI a few months later, the CEO and company managers long gone.

——-

“Your friends hold the lullabies, they wash away the night lies.
Soft sounds just like a radio.
Hearts wrapped in blankets laying low.”

——

Keep watching people.

A girl works at a popular and demanding restaurant job when she not finishing up high school or spending time with her boyfriend. The cusine isn’t anything special but it’s the location that kills, right on campus. The university crowd can’t resist the cheap and filling carb load the restaurant offers.

The shifts are long, as long as nine or ten hours on weekend nights, but the money’s not bad, all she has to do is man the cash register, taking orders and handing people their food.

But she wants more and handling thousands of dollars a night isn’t much fun when her check barely breaks $300.

She has an idea. What if she just didn’t ring up the sales, the place has no cameras, the only way they know a product is sold is when it is rung into the register, but that’s also the only way they know a product needs to be made. But they make a few items in droves, ahead of time, the most popular items. She smiles.

Every few customers, in the heat of a busy evening she doesn’t ring up. She counts the drawer at the end of the night, when no one’s looking she pockets the overage that resulted from selling food and not ringing it up. She takes over $3,000 in 3 months. She is never caught.

——-

Do NOT trust other drivers to be sober.

– A man on LSD nearly plows head on into a van on a busy city street around 8 p.m. Later that night he is nearly side swiped by a semi blowing a red light.

– After taking LSD, four men embark on a multiple county drinking binge. It occurs both in automobiles and in apartments and homes. Around seven thirty the next morning they can be seen cruising down a state highway, chucking beer bottle out the side. There are several guns in the car. They are not apprehended.

– A group of 20 somethings spend the enitre trip, several hours, to a baseball game, “pre-gaming” during the car ride on the interstate.

——-

Look up at a college dorm building, one of the big ones, the tall ones. Count how many windows are open on a cold winter day. Why are all those windows open? Hmm.

——-

I guess you can’t trust anyone.

Night after night a squad car kept showing up in the same neighborhood park. While not odd in itself it was the duration the car stayed there that caught the attention of neighbors. Curious they called police wondering, mostly, if there was a stakeout on some sort of drug house nearby. The police knew of no such stake out but said they would send out another officer to make sure everything was okay.

The other officer arrived and to his surprise found the other, on-duty police officer in his squad car recieving a sex act from a prostitute. The prostitutes in this particular city are not known as being “high class,” to say the least.

The officer was arrested and suspended. He eventually pled guilty.

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