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Swine, more fear and more loathing April 23, 2006

Posted by dr. gonzo in DeKalb, Gonzo.
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Midnight approached with liquids free flowing. What was I doing? Enjoying a weekend. But alas, as the police approached all was not well.

Apples hurtled through the air, flying past my head, slung over hundreds of feet. Somewhere down below the crash of breaking glass. Shit. What now? Wander outside the relative safe haven of a third floor apartment certain that my automobile (one that is barely able to drag itself forward and certainly never able to drag itself back) was going to be laden with broken windows. Mine or the neighbor's.

Satisfied that nothing was demolished save a window on the first floor I spouted a few profanities and returned to the third floor. To friends and acquaintances. Then DeKalb's finest showed up.

Amiable and professional, like a caricature of Elliot Ness, only without the Tommy guns. Just nines. Glocks probably. It seems that is what most of the force carries around here. Easy to operate, simple guns, not the best choice. Regardless, they wanted to talk to me it seemed.

Police? Okay, I'll talk to you.

"What's goin' on officer?"

"We got a call about a loud party."

Party. There is no party in here. Nothing. A few people. This guy is going to blame me for this nonsense.

"I suspect we were not the reason you were called. Check out that first floor window, officer."

My language was quite colorful. I could hear a stream of intermittent profanities flying off my tongue like apple chunks.

"Oh…" He saw it anyway.

"See the light on over there." I pointed in a general direction where plenty of lights were on. Careful now. Don't implicate.

They seemed confused but eventually figured it out. Take my ID? Sure officer, just ignore that warrant for federal fraud.

Heh. He kicked at a chunk of fruit on the ground, nearly unrecognizable fruit at that. "This is what they were shooting."

"Really? What the hell is that?" I couldn't make out the shape on the ground it was too dark.

"An apple."

Ha. "No shit, what did they think was going to happen?"

He didn't know but said no one would be arrested. It was a simple ordinance violation. A $100 fine. For keeping a disorderly house and "interfereing with the quiet enjoyment of life."

There are many other moments that interfere with life's quiet enjoyment. I suppose flying apples qualify as one of those.

By this time, it was late, really late. Time to consort with these criminals. So I approached, police still present. Nothing malicious. Intent was nothing vile. But these swine had been implicated by the fuzz. And ticketed. In the eyes of the law they were criminal swine. Unadulterated swine, more fear and more loathing.

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